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HalfdeadEmokid



TOILET BOY

Fabian Gu Gu Bird

我是姑姑 Bird Fabian

Holla yo

I'm Fabian Barthez
pleased to meetchu

This dude always been mistaken as a girl
by those peoples that doesn't know him.
I dun give a Fuck to anyone who ruin my life

heard that

COOL DUDE

There are THOUSAND flowers in the garden. He is only the flower in the garden which is most beautiful and eye-catchin


When the phone ring.

GREEN GREEN,

I pink up the phone and say

YELLOW,

WHITE do you want?

you don't

PURPLE

call me, if not don't call you

BLACK.

Consequences.

1. Get a Diploma.

2. Get arrested and be your prisoner.


3. Hush Hush.

4.


5.

6.

7.

Love Sick Criminal

Whore Face Friends

Friends
Kimberly Baby <33
Donna
Venis

School Mates
Ling Yan
Grace
Terry
Ba Ber

Whore Face Family From Team Of Basketball

My Lovers
Mr.Right where are you!!

MIP
Daddy
Mummy
Sister
All my friends


Letzte Minute



My Graveyard







Straight Boyz

Friendster , MySpace, FaceBook LiveJournal , Wordpress


My Prisoner

I'm prepared for all the consequences. I'm just a love sick criminal. You can arrest me baby, I don't wanna leave, I'll be your prisoner tonight.

Photobucket
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Candy
Joanne
Vivien
Mr GaGa
Daddy's Kelvin
Naomi
Hush Hush
Wei Kang
Bekah WhoreFace
The End



Beauty Killer


I'll try for your love I can hide up above I will try for your love We've been hiding enough. Don't leave me. I love you.



Since November 08
Devil watching all over you







Thursday, June 14, 2012
Who's That Pokemon? / 10:01 PM



Who's that POKEMON?





Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Lesson Of Time,,,, / 11:54 PM



When a BIRD is alive.... It eats ANTS,
When the BIRD is dead.... ANTS eat the BIRD!
Time and circumstances  can change at anytime.
Don't devalue or hurt anyone in life.
You may be powerful today..... But Remember,
One TREE makes a million match sticks,
But when the time comes.....
Only one match stick is needed to burn a million TREES.....
So be good and do good.





Saturday, June 9, 2012
I Love You / 12:13 AM

The first time that you found out I like you I knew you felt disgusted with me and wanted to stay a distance away from me but sometime I felt that you're just being nice. Why? People are saying that you wanted to stay a line with me but you're still trying to communicate with me by helping you out. Maybe you're being two faced and using of me. But all this doesn't really matter to me because what I'm seeing and feels now, I'm doing great with it. I just hope sometime you will be nice to people and not be an ass hole. I know you're trying to take over the world and think that people can't live without you, you're just being stubborn. When ever you gets fucked by black bear you're away cover for your men but they didn't even respect you, hat for you still helping them up? While you said you didn't like the clerks because they didn't even do their job or maybe they didn't help you out when you need them, but you just can't judge them straight away because you don't even spend times in the office most of your time. But no matter what people are trying to say or backstabbing you, I will away stand by your side defending you. Because all I want to say is I LOVE YOU.

You will be going for your operation soon and will be gone for three months I will definitely gonna miss you so much. It's sad that I can't see you during the time you're not around. I can't be myself or concentrate on my work whenever you're not in camp. I'm scared that I will be cutting myself and goes emotional again. What should I do now? My friend once told me that there won't be a connection in between us, but why just I can't give it up on him? You shouldn't have appear in my life.


Better as early as possible to let go when love fall Let Montreal red and when I said love me become a kind of torture. Not with me till the end I can not afford your commitment.





Friday, April 13, 2012
Movie Out With Mates. / 12:33 AM



Another post by me again after my busy times in camp. A Nights out late movie at Jcube with my camp mates.










Monday, January 23, 2012
Shopping For New Year Cloths. / 2:18 AM

Today I went out shopping with my sister and something happened at 313 ForEver 21 while my sister was changing her dress. Two ladies were fighting inside the shop for just a small little thing and they called each other a BITCH, so lame. If one for the lady was my friend, I'll definitely say a WHORE out from my mouth. Everyone was looking at them and no one video it down. Damn it, I was holding my sister's phone and yet I didn"t video down, all else I will be stomping them on stomp. Ha-ha was enjoying my shopping day watching both of the bitches quarreling for nothing much. Haven't been in town for quite a long time and today was my best day ever. Shopped half of my new year cloths haven't bought my jeans, t-shirt and shoes, I was just shopping for my blazers and I didn't have much time to shop because today was Lunar New Year Eve every shops were closed early and everyone rushing home to have their reunion dinner with their family.

M........ While me and my sister were walking around in town and had nothing to do while waiting for our parents to call us, we passed by Salvatore Ferragamo and I saw this shoes that I wanted to buy since last week I saw it on their website. It's only cost me $620 for that pair of shoes, If mom given me $500 for my new year shopping I will be wearing this shoes for tomorrow event. Sadly I have to wait until I got my Ang Bao money then I could afford it.




This is the shoes that I wanted to buy today from Ferragamo,
but I have to wait til coming Saturday.




And this Prada headphone is so nice and classes,
should I buy it too?
Fabian Barthez McQueen wears Prada.





Saturday, January 21, 2012
BBQ Party With Crazy Han. / 5:09 AM


Farhan our crazy chief.

Let the fire burning til the end of world.

Food haven't been ready and everybody can't wait for eating them.

Farhan, Wei Liat and Shawal.

Farhan, Ah Lian and Caleb.

Look at what Shawal, putting out a sotong from Farhan ding dong.
Everybody was saying the sotong was the best food that Han cooked, but nobody
realized that it came out from his little boy.

Farhan the killer.

Before we started our Party, we had some fun playing with the food where nobody noticed yet.





Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Farhan's Beloved Birthday Celebration. / 5:27 AM

Boys were always be boy. Right after we cut the cake,
we had lots of fun throwing them around in our bunk.

Naked birthday bitch.





Thursday, December 22, 2011
I'm A Beauty Whore Killer!! / 12:44 AM


My sister's friend just gave me
one of the high end luxury cosmetics and facial masks from Korea.
Fabian gonna kill you bitches with my EYELINER.

I'm A Beauty Killer!!!
(I'll fucking kill you!)


If I can't be beautiful, I'd rather just die





Friday, November 11, 2011
11.11.11 / 1:05 AM



Is 11.11.11 a bad day or a day an time for us to make a wish?
I guess today in the morning and night, I will be seeing a lot of 11.11 wishes on facebook, twitter, blog and everywhere that we can read on the web.

At 11.11 I'm so gonna wish that I'll win big big on 4D lol.





Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Is Too Late To Apologize. / 12:17 AM



The pass few weeks there were a lot of unhappiness thing fell on me. I just lost a good brother a good friend of mine in one night. I need to let my emotional feeling out before I'm going psycho but I doesn't know who to talk too. So I had decided to blog it all out. I did something I shouldn't do on that night, I deleted his facebook and I felt so regret about it, now I wanted to add him back but everything was too late for it. I had been blocked by him. I wanted to give him a text and talk things out but I don't whether it will work or not, I felt that this time I'm really too overboard and he was really pissed by me.

A message that I wanna say to Gabriel. Are we still brother and friend? I'm sorry! I know that I always been creating trouble for you and tried not to hurt me. As you said before brother last longer than a relationship, I hope you will give and chance for the both of us for being brother's and friend's. I really cherish this friendship of us. Always I'm in trouble or somebody said I'm a gay, you will always be there for me but when you were in trouble, I know I'm won't be there for you just like Thursday and Saturday night. I only knew everything after the next day that I asked my sister. Just last you got a cut on your face and yet I didn't know about it until I saw you on Saturday and it happened on Thursday night. Anybody my brother I will feel sad and feels like pouching that person because you are my brother just like a family to me. I won't allow anyone touch or hurt my family even though I don't even know how to fight. I know is so wrong for me to do this. Brother always had each other back but if you doesn't want to forgive me I will understand. I will respect your decision that you say but I won't give up for not being your brother. No matter what I will be waiting for you to open the door and welcome me back as your family.

Was all my fault, waiting for you to forgive me.
I'm So SORRY





Thursday, September 22, 2011
An Emo Song by Hagen Troy Tan (Official Music Video) / 2:11 AM



有些時候一個沿陌生的路
有些害怕
卻又渴望發現新事物
生命是本書
有些字草被淚水模糊
那是記憶的墳墓 需要勇氣去修復

第一次我 愛上孤單
讓時間 還 原到最初
第一次我
將愛遠遠放逐
重劃一張地圖
第一次我 清清楚楚
看見心里長一顆 堅強 的樹
將破曉的天空大力 撐住
第一次我

十字路口
自由的走 找到一個出口
沒有對錯
應該 將風景全都看透
可惜你和我
被 現 實左右
唐突的結果 到了世界的
盡頭 無法 甦醒 的惡夢

第一次我 愛上孤單
讓時間 還 原到最初
第一次我
將愛遠遠放逐
重劃一張地圖
第一次我 清清楚楚
看見心里長一顆 堅強 的樹
濃霧 背後 我發現新的路
每個人的選擇都不同
你不能怪我太自我
也許此刻我不想躲
只想證明自罪過 就算我
承 受 一百年的寂寞 至少我誠實 過

第一次我
愛上孤單
讓時間 還 原到最初
第一次我
將愛遠遠放逐
重劃一張地圖
第一次我 清清楚楚
看見心里長一顆 堅強 的樹 等待
走出一個新的國度 第一次我





I Believe In You [Lyrics] / 1:56 AM


I Believe In You!!





Saturday, September 17, 2011
The Spicy Chicken Challenge / 3:22 AM


Found this video clip from my best friend Kimberly blog.
I could still remember thoughts day we ate that buffalo wings chicken.
After I had finished it, I could felt the spiciness hit in my body burning through my bones.
At level 25 I'm already dying for it, wonder thoughts people ate level 35,
how could they survive?





Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Cheryl 23rd Birthday Celebration. / 11:29 PM

Cheers! Drink to that!

The Army boy.

Look at Cheryl, I was helping her to finish up
the whole cup bottle of hennessy.
Bullied by her.

My first photograph with Gabriel. Awesome yo!

My family.

My brother Eugene.

Birthday cake for her. Cheryl Smurfs.


Saturday 20 of August 2011, celebrated Cheryl 23rd birthday at Club Avatar together with Gabriel, Wei Lin, Naomi and my sister friends. While it was my first time been to this club and I thought it will be exciting but the first impression I got when I looked inside the club, the first words came out from my mouth was oh....... wasn't this a Thai Club? While at first I thought was a Thai Club because the concept was exactly like it, but the music was totally awesome.

The best part of the day was I got a KISS on my cheek. My first kiss from him just like a fairy tales came true. Sleeping beauty got her first kiss from his handsome prince charming. Lastly everybody was so drunk, luckily Naomi was drunk at all if not the next day I will be seeing another bite on my hand again. Something I think when she got drunk she'll be as crazy like a bitch. 995 please send her to woodbridge hospital.

Before I'm going to say goodbye to my friends, I met of one my ITE friend at the club, can't believe that she was a dancer. I was freaking shock. How I wish that day will never ends. A day that I'll always remember in my mind that I was kissed and a waken by my handsome charming Ha-ha. What am I thinking?







Updating Soon. / 11:15 PM

Just realized that I had not been blogging for quite a long time. Been busy doing my work in camp. While actually I had nothing to do, just spending my time sleeping and doing nothing around. Refresh everything back to my first post, I think my blog that I posted has been quite stupid. While who cares?

I'll be start blogging once I'm free because I've been so lazy nowadays. Next blog I'm gonna post up will be the time that I had spent with my sister, celebrating her 23rd birthday on Saturday night and my best memories with my brother.

Let me end my post with a video.
Introduced by one of my best camp mate. Halo by Mike Posner.
Read and sing with the lyrics, is so meaningful.






Saturday, July 16, 2011
Beyoncé - Run The World (Gays) / 9:43 PM


Who run the world? Gays!
Who run the world? Gays!





Last Night, One Night Only. / 9:16 PM


Wound will heal but Scar will never heal.
You will be my first and my last.
No one can ever hurt me again.

Why can't you be nice to me, when I said something
wrong to you?
You were always so mean to me.

I guess you really mean it that you said It was too late.
Guess I'm not your friend or brother anymore.
Guess I won't be meeting you again.
Even if I text or ask you out, you
won't reply or ever care about it.
You will just ignore it.

Should I apologize to you and talk things out?
Or is it too late for everything I had done?
Seriously I shouldn't text you those words,
is just a misunderstanding, you got the wrong thinking of it.

I don't want this to be an ending for me.
I really cherish this friendship we had.
Although I only know you for three months,
but I know you're the friend trust and be around.
You are a true friend to me.

A Last GoodBye.






Sunday, July 10, 2011
Brother Love Emotional. / 3:18 PM



My heart is locked, hoping someone would unlock this padlock for me because I don't feel like staying in this darkness of my life anymore. Sometime I think that you treated me too nice til I'm taking advantage of you and doesn't gives any respect to you. But something when you turned evil I'm kinda hurts. I know you were trying to be nice to me and I know that the right thing for you to do. Whenever you're not online or didn't reply my text I'll start being paranoid, thinking and worries about you. I know you are doing your best not to hurt me and I trying my best not to hurt you either, but something I felt that I'm hurting you more. I could see it with my eyes, you tried to give me a hint whenever I'm drunk or went overboard by hitting the wall or me. I rather all your pains and hurts are on me than you who the only one taking it. Brother's always kept their promises, yes you did. You always kept your promises but I don't. I'm trying my best to do it. I know that I promised you that I will be your brother and get over you, nothing more but I have no choice because I still likes you and I know that if I can't get over you, you wouldn't want to meet me out again that's why I promised you and I broke it. I scared that one day we will lost contact and that's not the thing I want it to happen, but I guess you are trying to do so. This feeling suck! Seriously I don't know what should I do? Need some advice. Truly speaking you really are an understanding friend to me. You're a very different guy that I had met in my life. Other straight guys found out that I'm Gay or interested in them, they will fucking hates or ignored me, unlike you at least you could understand and willing to be my friend.

I need a second time around. If time could turns back I rather not to know you.


What are you doing now?





Sunday, June 19, 2011
Sad Piano Song 2 / 10:27 PM



Fuck it man! I just found this song on one of my friend facebook.
Damn sad and emotional right now.
I can't stop myself.
I can't stop listening to this song.
I can't stop myself not to think of you,
but always I started to think of you,
I'm hurt and jealous.
Why can't you hold my hand?
Why can't I be with you?
I'm fucking feel like cutting myself again but I promised you
that I wouldn't do it again.
But sometime thing happened and I just can't control myself.
Where are you?
I'm freaking miss you a lot.
I do see you online on facebook.
What are you doing right now?
I need some alcohol to stop hurting myself and thinking about you.
I'm in your every dream, why can't you just love me?
All I want is a text from you.
You're hugs after we left.






Friday, June 17, 2011
Emotional. / 9:36 PM



Just feel so depressed, emotional, jealous and hurt right.
No one can never understand how I feel.
Sometime in order to heal myself I have to hurt myself more than you can ever thought.
Sometime I just can't control myself not to go overboard on you.
You can hate me but I will never ever give up on you.
You can punch, hurt or kill me, you are worth more than everyone in this world to me.
I would rather die in your hand.





Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Pinkdot The Freedom To Love! / 1:23 PM

The Freedom To Love





Thursday, June 9, 2011
/ 5:49 AM


In order to heal myself, I have to hurt myself more.
All I'm thinking of when I'm hurting myself is you.
I'm drunk because of you.
I'm sad because of you.
I'm emotional because of.
But I don't want you to be hurt or sad because of me.
I'll give my life up for you because you are my dream.

And baby, everything that I have is yours,
You will never go cold or hungry.
I'll be there when you're insecure,
Let you know that you're always lovely.
Bro, cos you are the only thing that I got right now.
Without you my life is meaningless and I won't in this world.





Thursday, June 2, 2011
Light Me Up. / 11:23 PM


I promise I won't lose you again.





/ 11:05 PM

Tumblr_lki72rslcb1qcjxhpo1_500_large





My Heart. / 9:38 PM


Felt like I have had been knowing you since childhood.





Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Tokio Hotel - Attention (Unofficial Video) HQ / 10:57 PM

What I feel deep in my heart right now.
Music speaks for a million words.
I need your 'Attention'


I'm trying to tell you
I'm trying to know you
I'm dying to show you
Fighting to get you

Soon as you got me
You go and drop me
It's cruel when you burn me
I love how you hurt me

Oh no, I'll never let you go
Oh no, I hate that I need you so

It's not what you said
It's the way you say it
It's not what you did
It's the way you do it
Sick and tired of needing your attention
I chose to be lonely than live without your
Attention

I scatch your sweet name
Right into my skin
You left me bleeding
But I couldn't give in

I swallowed all the poison to get infected
Give back my heart that you body rejected

Oh no, I'll never let you go
Oh no, I hate that I need you so

It's not what you said
It's the way you say it
It's not what you did
It's the way you do it
Sick and tired of needing your attention
I chose to be lonely than live without your
Attention

I'm standing in the pain
That's smothering me
It's more becoming my own blood
Why can't you see?
That I'm starving for your love
And I need attention
Or I'm gonna die

It's not what you said
It's the way you say it
It's not what you did
It's the way you do it
Sick and tired of needing your attention
I chose to be lonely than live without your
Attention





Monday, May 23, 2011
LOL. / 10:41 PM


Look at this two STUPID people.





Sunday, May 22, 2011
Cherish - Unappreciated / 1:03 PM



"Unappreciated"

[Chorus:]

I'm feeling really unappreciated.
Your takin` my love for granted, babe.
and I don't know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
And lately I've been feeling,
Feeling unappreciated.

[Verse 1:]

Woke up this morning and saw your face
And you didn't look the same as yesterday.
I got the feeling that you can't seem to see,
Where you want to be.
And lately it ain't been the same at all.
When you're here its like I'm invisible
I still can't seem to see where I went wrong.
Cause I'm feeling

[Chorus:]

I'm feeling really unappreciated.
Your takin` my love for granted, babe.
and I don't know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
And lately I've been feeling,
Feeling unappreciated.

[Verse 2:]

Lately our house is not a home
You come in, take a shower and then say I'm gone.
What am I to do
When my heart says leave
But my feet won't move
And today is our anniversary
And you haven't even said two words to me
I'm trying hard to give you another chance
But ooh baby I'm feeling

I'm feeling really unappreciated.
Your takin` my love for granted, babe.
and I don't know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
And lately I've been feeling,
Feeling unappreciated.

[Verse 3:]

Oh when I first met you
I thought you was the most perfect man
That I ever seen
I still don't understand why
You treat me like you do
I use to give into your lies
But now I see the truth
Oh no I don't want to hear it I'm through
Yea I know I'll still be missing you
But it's not worth the pain
That I've gained from you
You make me feel
Unappreciated

[Chorus:]

I'm feeling really unappreciated.
Your takin` my love for granted, babe.
and I don't know how much more,
I can take from you.
You don't do the things you use to do.
You don't even say I love you too.
And lately I've been feeling,
Feeling unappreciated.

Don't love me no more
Heeey wooo hooo
I'm really feeling unappreciated.
I'm feeling unappreciated





Saturday, May 21, 2011
With Or Without You - Breathe Carolina / 4:48 PM



See the stone set in her eyes
See the thorn twist in your side.
And I wait for you.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait? without you

With or without you
With or without you.

Through the storm, we reach the shore
You gave it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you?

With or without you
With or without you.
I can't live with or without you.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

My hands are tied, my body bruised
She got me with nothing left to win
And nothing left to lose.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give, and you give
And you give yourself away.

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you.

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you







Thursday, May 19, 2011
Stuck In The Moment. / 4:59 PM



On Wednesday, I lost my iPhone because I was too excited, my Bro called me and asked me to go clubbing with him. Finally I got the chance to meet him out again, it's been a long while since last Thursday night. Prayed hard hoping that whoever picked up my phone will kindly return it to me, but the person was a devil sent from hell. It doesn't matter if my phone was lost, the matter of were my contacts and my message. My iPhone I could get a replacement anytime I want but those message can't be replace. She had been with me for the last two years and finally she was lost. No where to be found in this freaking country.

Once I reached home I felt something went missing. Guess what? My rabbit just went to heaven, becoming the keeper of GOD. RIP!

Off to Phuture. It was so embarrassing for me at the bus stop just right outside Zouk. I mistaken my Bro as another guys because all NS boy looked the same when they are BOTAK. Guess the next time I bettr bring out my glasses.

After the night at Phuture, I kept thinking whether should I continue hanging out with you? The feeling inside of me right now suck, I don't even know what I want now. I felt so bitter and jealous inside my heart whether you're not around me or dancing with other girls. While I can understand overall you're a straight guy I cant do anything to stop you. Life really suck or should I say being a GAY suck to the max. Why can't I get the both world? Maybe I should listen to his advice, take a short break out from him. I'm just not ready to hangout with him but I will goes crazy I knew that he was out there. The message that he sent, tells me that he really understand my feeling and don't even want to hunt me. He saw my point of view, I was so uncomfortable on the night at Phuture. Right now what I can do is stay a distance from him for awhile if not I will going crazy and emotion again just like what I did when I was in ITE. I don't want to piss the person off again.


You're smart, cute, handsome, hot. You can dance and even shuffle. What a perfect guy.

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?


Deep down inside my HEART I felt so bitter;(

Bro you are the sweetest in the world. Thanks for your concern. You are the nicest straight guy I ever met.





Monday, May 16, 2011
SAF Seven Core Values. / 1:19 AM

This was what we learned in our one month BTM in Kranji Camp 3 for Pes E.

Bottle out, bottle up, cap off..

The SAF seven core values are?

Loyalty to Country "that's bull shit, Singapore is a an empty car-park space"

Leadership "You're the boss"

Discipline "Yes Sir"

Professionalism "If you're following your heart, you can just forget this"

Fighting Spirit "never fight for your country"

Ethics "follow your heart goes"

Care for Soldiers "no smoking break for the smokers"

Drink up!





Movie Nights. / 12:50 AM

M...... After using twitter I found my blog was dying in hell. Should I just close it down, leave it aside or just continue blogging like I always did?


Watched Priest
Rate 8/10


I can't sleep because I had too much fun with my peeps last night. After shopping with Belinda at bugis street, we went over to illuma and bought our movie tickets. On the way back suddenly my phone rang, my sister called and asked me to go Rebel with her tonight, I was so excited and wanted to go with her but I can't because tonight I had a slumber party with my girls and we planned since two weeks ago. After my BMT my friends didn't get any chance to see me, so I gave it a pass and move on with my friends.

The next day once my sister woke up, immediately my first word came our of my mouth was "how was yesterday party" because my hush hush was there with her, and she told me everything that he said to my sister. I can't believe that he told my sister that I like him and trying to find a way to reject me. While I can understand it's impossible for me to be with you, but in the first place you shouldn't tell my sister about our relationship because you wouldn't know that my sister don't know that I'm gay, but luckily that my sister knew about it.

Yesterday night was a waste because I wasn't at Rebel. Opportunity comes and goes, I didn't even grab it. Hoping the next Saturday I gets to see my hush hush again and this time round I'm not letting my opportunity off again.